When He Doesn't Know How to Break Up With You

Your partner isn't interested in talking to you anymore about the relationship. He doesn't want you around his friends and family whether he told you this or alluded to it in some way. He would prefer you stay home then ride anywhere with him in his precious automobile especially at night or on weekends during the day (cheaters tend to behave in this way.) We have all been in our share of breakups to make ups and breakups permanently. Some of us are headed to heartbreak hotel right now, but refuse to check-in. Rather, we keep turning back around hoping things will get better when they won't! So what more must a man do for a woman to get a clue?

One. Start an argument.

Maybe he is intentionally looking to get angry at you over the littlest of things and maybe he is not. Arguments tend to come during times when you are disturbing his plans or when you are asking questions he rather not answer. His agenda is simply to do one of two things do what he wants indoors like watch television in peace without you around or go outdoors to spend time alone or with anyone who doesn't remind him of you. When you object to where he is going without you and interfere with plans that appease him, you are only making it easier for him to say, "Goodbye and good-riddens!" Avoid the argument game and find something else to do rather than worry over what he is doing and where he is going. It takes two to tango and it's obvious he doesn't want to tango with you. Face the truth (whatever that might be) and start making your own plans without him.

Two. Find fault.

Let's face it you are doing everything right in the relationship, at least that's what you want to believe, go ahead believe it! Better yet, make sure you are doing everything and then some (within reason of course) that you two agreed you would do since the last argument. Now what do you think will happen if old wounds from past arguing have yet to heal? He is going to point out what you did and didn't do. He is going to make a big deal over the little things. Do you know why? Because he isn't convinced that he wants to be with you, even worse, he may also be unsure as to whether or not he is able to be committed to anyone. Most likely, he has already blamed you in this department or blamed himself hoping you would pity him. "I just don't know if it's you or me. I mean I am trying to be the man that you want me to be, but it's hard! You expect too much from me!" Don't play into this game of finding fault; rather find your peace.

Three. Badmouth you to others to rally up support.

Men are no different than women in this area. They will call anyone up who will listen. Talk about their wives or girlfriends at work negatively if they are confident that the relationship is headed no where. You may overhear him talking to his mother or sister or you may start to feel uncomfortable around certain family members, friends or co-workers. Don't take that frigid feeling lightly, he has been running his mouth about you. "I don't know if I want to be with her anymore, I mean we are always arguing...I thought she was the one, but I don't know," he may say. Of course leaving out the fact that he did or said something that was off the wall the other day. You have a choice: keep conversing with these people trying to convince them how rotten their son, grandson, nephew, etc. is or gradually distance yourself from everyone. If children are involved, they can still visit their relatives without you sitting at the table asking questions about him or sharing negative information about your relationship with them. When you do these things, you only create a larger wedge in your relationship and you give his people as my grandma once told me, "a stick to crack your head with!"

Four. Ignore you.

You walk in one part of the house, he leaves that area and goes into another part. You attempt to touch him, he pulls away. He tries very hard not to let the fabric of his clothes so much as brush pass your arm. It feels like he is keeping away from you like a plague, huh? Well if this is happening, you know the only way to address this issue is head on. Most likely, it will lead to a huge argument complete with yelling, crying, and slamming doors or he will just look at you with a dumb look and let you make a fool of yourself when you ask, "Is there anything wrong? Would you like to talk about it?" If you are at that place in the relationship where you have simply had enough, you will no longer subject yourself to this kind of abuse (that's right it's a form of abuse called emotional abuse. To learn more, visit my site.)

Five. Avoid communication unless absolutely necessary.

Some men will not only avoid touching their partners they are no longer interested (which is a clear sign it's over,) but they will avoid talking to them too (also considered emotional abuse.) For example, let's say every night you attempt to talk to him about various things that happened to you throughout the day and every night he cuts you off, walks away, turns up the TV, or puts on his headset, chances are he could care less about you and/or how you spend your day. Think about a time when you two were really into one another, you both paid attention to what the other was saying. If you find he is consistently ignoring you even after you have repeatedly talked to him about it, there is definitely some love loss.

As much as you would like for your partner to sit down and just be adult about these things, most likely he is behaving like this, because he doesn't know how to communicate with you. Some men don't want to bother with the arguing. Others just rather push and push until eventually the woman says, "I am fed up! It's over!" This way he doesn't have to feel guilty about what he has and hasn't done. Meanwhile, the woman who is still in love with her man wants to fight tooth and nail to keep him. She wants to consult with anyone and everyone for assistance, but the writing is on the wall, all she has to do is read it and accept it -- it's over! It doesn't matter how one gets the news, the point is it's over now where is that box for your things or his?

He may not have came right out and told you, but the other day, last week or a month ago you really acted downright crazy in his eyes! He said a few choice words and that's when you went off! The episode got so bad that this man has never looked at you the same way since. Good luck trying to get him to come back around!

Once a man has deemed you a crazy b*tch it becomes a real challenge to convince him otherwise especially if he has repeated the scenario to his nosey relatives and his "I told you so" friends. The best thing to do in a situation such as this (many broken hearted women would rather not do what I am about to suggest,) is distance yourself from him first. Don't wait for him to break up with you. Allow yourself the space you need to collect your emotions. It is rare that a man who does the following: disrespects you on a regular basis, turned off and then on by you from one day to the next, and can't look you in the eyes, is still interested in being a boyfriend much less your future husband. (This piece of advice doesn't apply to those of you who are already married--you took vows you will have to do what it takes to make things work just so long as the relationship is not abusive. I'm not encouraging married people step out on one another.)

The man you once fell in love with may have claimed that he still loves you while you laid down with him (yet again) hoping to connect with him on a mental and physical level, and then there was his negative attitude, the name-calling, the cheating and whatever else that caused you to almost lose your mind for the umpteenth time!

It's time to get your mind back intact--the focus: self. In order to take control of yourself, you must reconnect with yourself not your man! You can't do it by sleeping with him. You can't get your self-esteem and wits about you by offering your car, money, and other things to a man who has obviously showed you he isn't "feeling you," he "doesn't know about you" or he "has fallen out of love." Whatever his reason for losing interest in you, don't give him anymore reasons by acting out the part of a crazy b*tch. Otherwise, you will find yourself humiliated or worse in jail!

The crazy b*tch is the one who dials his phone and then hangs up repeatedly after an argument. She is the one asking, "Who is that b*tch?" and the woman poses no threat to her and her man isn't the lest bit interested. The crazy b*tch searches into the wee hours of the morning for a shred of evidence that she can throw in her man's face to get him to be honest with her even though she knows she is no longer interested in him and vice versa. The crazy chic is going to get his mother, sister, best friend and anyone else involved in the relationship. She will name-call in public. Slap, scratch or bite her man (usually behind closed doors,) because she is just so angry at him and for some reason it makes her feel better knowing he has a permanent scar on his body from her. She uses their children against him by not letting them talk or see him in between break-ups. She does evil things that even her own mother would want to disown her. She doesn't care about the consequences, his feelings, her own mental or physical well-being. Crazy is what she knows because most likely she learned from the best (crazy b*tches she grew up with.)

So if this isn't you, at least not yet, then you still have time to pack your emotions and physical belongings while everything is still intact and get away from this man who thinks you are crazy. But if this describes you, may God be with you, because eventually this bad relationship may cause you your health, wealth or maybe your freedom in the end.

We were at that stage when a broken relationship from years ago still encompasses unresolved feelings for one another. You know, when you have been separated for so long you just don't know whether you want to do anything with one another from going out on a dinner date to having sex again.

I had to make up in my mind that I just wasn't ready to go through the "ho, hum" boredom toward the end of the past relationship with him along with past drama of yesteryear that brought so many tears and fears all over again. He was nice to look at-- eye candy-- perfect for my sweet tooth, but also forbidden because in the past he caused a cavity and eventually a root canal (some of you ladies reading this know exactly what I am talking about--the forbidden fruit.) This man with his beautiful blue eyes, blond hair, and nice smile, I still recalled what he looked like in the nude. Despite my trading my old life for a more Christian-like life, I still had needs and I knew if I said, "yes" to him he wouldn't mind fulfilling them.

But something had to change, we couldn't keep revisiting the past like this. After several phone calls and seeing one another a few times, we didn't start a relationship again like I had secretly hoped and then boldly proclaimed one day during one of our conversations, "I want us to be together but..." He wasn't interested in "but," he was more interested in "butt" and I knew it and I grew angry at times because I wanted him to see the new me.

So I decided to spend more time with my new Father (you know the one in heaven) and study His word along with meditation and prayer, my flesh was tempting me to go all out, but I just couldn't! I went back and forth with God. I asked about wanting my past to be my life-long partner and to this request, I got, "No, because he doesn't want a relationship with me." Not because the man I still loved didn't love me, but because his mind and body was elsewhere. Someone else had long taken my place. My past and I were no longer equally yoked like we once were before I gave my life to Christ. He was my forbidden fruit.

I ached to hear his voice for days.  There were times I couldn't sleep. Sometimes all I did was think of him. I waited by the phone hoping he would call. I talked to God about him, but nothing had changed--my past was just that my past. I meditated on our time spent. I was lovesick. I was wishing for something that wasn't meant to be.

Eventually, the young man --who years ago I had given my body but could no longer get what he wanted-- would officially leave me alone when I pressured about a relationship not a friendship, he replied, "It's always all or nothing with you, isn't it?"

I guess it still is.

That last conversation over the phone closed our chapter officially! I cried and cried after the phone call, but with each passing day (and with the help of God,) I had learned to let go and my old man did too, he never called again. Funny, the single date we did have, after years of not being together included a movie, Titanic. You recall how that movie ended.